Explore how your past is impacting the present to develop greater self awareness and have more freedom and choice in your life and in your sexual connections.
Consider inviting friends, spouses, lovers or family to take this survey with you and share the results. You can help each other unravel the past to become more present in your life.
For a downloadable version of this survey on which you can type your answers, click here to download a Word version or click here for plain text.
Part 1 – Family and Childhood
Give a very brief overview of your life growing up. Where were you born and raised? What was your family structure? What beliefs/religion/culture were you raised with?
What was your mother like? Describe your relationship with your mother while you were growing up. What is it like now?
What was your father like? Describe your relationship with your father while you were growing up. What is it like now?
What were your siblings like (if any)? How was your relationship with them. How is it now?
Describe any other important family members, friends, or adults that had a big impact on you in your childhood. How was your relationship with them. How is it now?
What stories, patterns, or beliefs did you develop around men as a result of your experiences with your father, brothers, or other male figures in your childhood?
What stories or patterns did you develop around women as a result of your experiences with your mother, sisters, or other female figures in your childhood?
How are these stories or beliefs still affecting your life now? Which are working for you? Which are not? What has changed and what has not?
What are the new stories or beliefs you would like to develop to replace the old ones that aren’t working for you?
What was your social life like throughout your childhood and adolescence?
What were the most significant experiences of your childhood (traumas, tragedies, transformations, peak experiences)?
Give brief descriptions of the key moments in your childhood where you felt shame.
What stories, patterns, or beliefs did you develop around these traumas and shame experiences? How are they still affecting your life now. Which are working for you? Which are not? What are the new stories you would like to develop to replace the old ones that aren’t working for you?
For ideas and inspiration on these exercises, see this short essay: https://www.weboflove.org/g/victim_or_creator_vs
Part 2 – Sexual History
Give a brief overview of your initial journey into sexuality and relationships. At what age were your first forays into romance and sex? What were these experiences like for you? Include masturbation/self pleasuring.
Briefly describe of the key moments in your childhood where you felt sexual shame.
Give a brief history of your important sexual relationships throughout your adult life. Describe the key repeating emotional patterns that have played out between you and your partners.
Briefly describe any significant traumas, heartbreaks, and moments of realization or transformation in your sexual and relationship history.
What stories, patterns, or beliefs did you develop around sexuality as a result of your early experiences with it? How are they still affecting your life now. Which are working for you? Which are not? What are the new stories you would like to develop to replace the old ones that aren’t working for you?
For ideas and inspiration on this, read a profound essay titled “The Sexual-Spiritual Split” at: https://talksex.us/2016/09/sexual-spiritual-split
What do you consider to be the biggest core wounds, limiting beliefs, and defense patterns that developed out of your childhood and adolescence?
How are these core wounds and emotional/mental/energetic blocks impacting your life now? How do they show up in your romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships, in your work, and in how you treat yourself? What are the new stories you would like to develop to replace the old ones that aren’t working for you?
For ideas and inspiration on this, read a profound essay titled “Transform Fear Through Core Belief Work” at: https://www.wanttoknow.info/coreissue
What strengths and wisdom have you gained as a result of your childhood?
Briefly describe any other significant or highly impactful life experiences that weren’t mentioned above.
What do you feel is your purpose in life? What are you here to do?
For ideas and inspiration on this, read a great essay on finding your life purpose and intentions at https://www.weboflove.org/lifepurposeintentions
List spiritual/personal growth modalities or therapies that you have been involved with and how much time you put into them.
If you could create your life exactly as you want it, what would it look like? What would you be doing, and how would you feel?
On a separate sheet, make two columns. Title the first column “Old stories” and the second column “New stories.” In the first column write a few words describing the key old stories or beliefs from your past that no longer serve you. In the second column, write the new stories or beliefs that will help you have greater freedom and more choice in your life.
Review this sheet regularly and remember that it takes time to make the shift. Old stories or beliefs are like deep ruts in the road. They do not disappear overnight. It takes discipline and commitment to gradually create new grooves to replace the old. Only when the new groove is deep enough will it become easy to make the healthy choice every time. Yet if you go through with this, have no doubt that one day you will look back and be amazed at the changes you’ve made. Good luck with it!
For more ideas and inspiration on all of this, explore a great online lesson from the Insight Course at: https://www.insightcourse.net/lessons/03a_personal_responsibility
Take Action Now!
- Talk about the changes you are making with trusted friends and family. Ask them to support you in making this positive shift.
- Open to higher guidance and ask for help with this in your dreams before you go to bed at night.
- Explore this webpage filled with great, concrete tips on dealing with the many challenges that can come up when making big shifts in your life.
- Open to the wisdom of a great online lesson titled “Sacred Sexuality” on this webpage. A list at the end of the lesson provides more excellent resources on the topic.
- Consider inviting a small group of trusted friends to form a regular discussion group where you support each other in creating sexual healing and transformation. Explore together how we can all support each other in having more vibrant and passionate lives that enhance all of our relationships.
Written by the founder of this website, Fred Burks
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